Wow , hopefully this won't turn into a book instead of a blog. There are some very basic things or maybe we could call them ground rules for everyone. The most important above all else is love unconditionally feel like this should be a given. Being consistent with a yes or no, when you say NO it should mean NO....not if I wine enough or have a tantrum you will change it to a Yes. Partners / Parents should be on the same page, sit down and talk about ground rules, if your child lies ...this is the consequence, if your child is not respectful and so on should equal the same consequence with both parents. Talk first as if you are like us , one parent might be to easy the other too hard so talking about it hopefully gets you where you are both happy. Also it prevents you from having to back peddle if you gave a crazy consequence.
It's important to be a united front in front of the children, just so you know they have you both figured out and know who to ask for what. In our house you were not allowed to ask the other parent if you got a no from the first one. So, one of the first things I asked my child is ..have you already asked and gotten an answer from your dad. If the answer was a yes then I support what your dad said even if I didn't because we are a team. Let them know that there is a consequence for going to the other parent for the same request.
Remember that you are two individuals coming from two different backgrounds and blending thoughts and ideas to create your own. If you figure it out early on then it saves so many problems later, take my word for it. Life has consequences so let them know good choices have great rewards and no so great choices have learnings. What can you learn from the choice you made . Let your children fix their own mistakes to fit their age. If you clean up your children's messes big or small they will not learn how to do it for themselves. Such an important life lesson for them. It's ok to make mistakes in life but they are there to teach us something.
For you single mom's out there. I was raised by a single mom and we were 6 children. It was in no way easy for her as she got little financial help and he wasn't around for any other kind of help. The struggles your children experience will help them grow to be amazing people. Do the best you can wether you are a single mom or not and trust that it's more than enough. Parent's make mistakes, so accept it, embrace it even. They did not come with manuals so we are all just figuring it out. Let go of the guilt because then you make decisions based on guilt and not what is best for them. I learned this important lesson from my mom. She carried around a lot of quilt for what I am not entirely sure because we all turned out awesome. It's a promise I made to myself not to allow guilt for not being perfect to rule my life.
Embrace I am sorry, when I made a mistake ...I went to that child and said hey I am truly sorry for what I did and promise to do better. So discipline them before you get mad and loose your temper. I choose to discipline in a calm manner so sometimes that meant them going to their room until I could be in a better mind set to explain to them what needed to be said. Your children don't make you mad, we are always responsible for our behaviour not them. Remember to use self care for yourself as parents as it's essential, wish I would have know about this little gem a long time ago.
Stop comparing your children to other children. No they are not going to be exactly like your friends or neighbours children because you are raising them and you are different from the other parents. Like all relationships are very different so is what we value when raising our children. What I let my children do might drive you nuts and that's ok as I am not you. It's how we get so many diverse children and people in the world. That is a great thing. If you want to model another parent because you love what you see, then go for it. Copying another parent because your not feeling good enough is not ok. You can only be your best self trying to be someone else will only bring you disappointment.
What you don't teach your children at home or they refuse to learn in the love and comfort of home the world will be happy to teach them. What you don't correct when they are little will not sort itself out. It get's harder to fix as they get older up to you what age you want to deal with it and you will. If you have children between 2 -14 years of age look into Sleep Talk . It's natural and it is the most amazing gift you can give to your child. It's priceless in my book and would have given anything to have known about it when I started having my children. Takes 2 min after your child goes to sleep, it's life changing. Contact me for more information.
You are a parent first and foremost, you can be their friend when they are on their own or start collage. They have many friends you are there only parent. Just remember there is more than one right way to raise a child. You were given this precious gift because someone trusted you knew exactly what they needed. Trust yourself to know what is best for your child even if it looks different than someone else. Respect other parents are just figuring stuff out just like you so keep your judgements to yourself. When I focused on raising our children , I had zero time to notice what others were doing as my life kept me very busy. I had no time or energy to get involved in other people's lives and how they were raising their children. Just remember being a parent is a gift to cherish not everyone gets to be a parent. If you can't appreciate the gift you have been given then find someone who will.
